Financial Cat Times - Cats, Crypto & Capital Markets

CNEWS $0.0000420 +420%

MEOW $0.0000069 +6.9%

PURR $0.082 -3.2%

CHONK INDEX 4,200.69 +42.0

TREATS FUTURES +69.4%

CATNIP SPOT $84.20/g +12.1%

ZOOMIES $3.420 +2.1%

TUNA BONDS $1.337 -0.7%

CNEWS $0.0000420 +420%

MEOW $0.0000069 +6.9%

PURR $0.082 -3.2%

CHONK INDEX 4,200.69 +42.0

A very serious cat trader at a Wall Street desk

CRYPTO MARKETS

Cnews becomes the world's first memecoin backed by an actual asset: one extremely fluffy cat

𝕏 LIVE

Founder cites "unprecedented levels of fluff" as the fundamental value driver, drawing comparisons to the 2021 Dogecoin surge and one very good nap

2 MINUTES AGO

INSTITUTIONAL FINANCE

Goldman Sachs publishes 47-page report: "The Fluff Premium: A Framework for Whisker-Derived Alpha" 📄

AN HOUR AGO

REGULATORY

SEC launches inquiry into whether Cnews constitutes a security, a commodity, or "just a very good boy"

3 HOURS AGO

A trading floor full of cats in tiny suits

'There is no exit strategy': Cnews holders vow to hold through any correction, any bath, any vacuum cleaner

MACRO ANALYSIS

Federal Reserve chair declines to comment on whether Cnews's market cap now exceeds Portugal's GDP; sources say he was seen petting the office cat

Central bankers describe the token's price action as "technically unprecedented but spiritually coherent, like a cat on a Roomba"

AN HOUR AGO

TECHNOLOGY

Cnews whitepaper updated: blockchain now described as "a spiritual ledger of chonk" 📄

4 HOURS AGO

BREAKING REPORT

Why cat coins exist, crash, and rise again — an explainer for the uninitiated and the recently scratched

YESTERDAY

A smug cat analyst with a rising chart

CC Chud meowsmith

5 HOURS AGO

ED Editorial Desk

YESTERDAY

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𝕏 @FinancialCatTime on X

Cat Markets

Cnews $0.0000420 ▲ 420%

CHONK INDEX 4,200.69 ▲

TREATS FUTURES +69.4% ▲

CATNIP OPTIONS VOL. 420B ▲

CAT SENTIMENT EXTREME ZOOMIES

FEAR & FLUFF INDEX 96 / 100

TOP STORIES

A hooded cat developer at a laptop

Crypto Twitter erupts as Cnews developer reveals identity: "I'm just a cat who walked across the right keyboard"

A cat professor at a press conference podium

Local professor cat holds first press conference, answers every question by slowly pushing a microphone off the podium

Cats in formal attire handing over a giant cheque

Cnews community raises $2M for a dog charity, still can't explain what the token does

A grey cat writing the Cnews timeline with a quill

The complete Cnews timeline: from obscure meme launch to front page of the Financial Times