The Financial Cat Times received a record 47,000 reader communications this week, the vast majority concerning the Cnews phenomenon. We publish a selection below, edited for length and clarity. We have not edited for dignity, as surprisingly little editing was required.
Sir,
I am a retired fund manager with 40 years of experience in global equities. I have survived the 1987 crash, the dot-com bubble, the 2008 financial crisis, and the COVID-19 market panic. Nothing in my career has prepared me for Cnews.
I bought $500 worth on Monday "as a joke." I am now up 420x. My wife thinks I've gone mad. My former colleagues at Fidelity have stopped returning my calls. My grandson, who told me about the token, has been promoted to Chief Investment Adviser of the household.
I do not understand what is happening. But I am not selling.
Gerald Worthington, Hampshire, UK
Sir,
As a professor of economics at a leading university, I feel compelled to point out that Cnews has no intrinsic value, no cash flows, no utility, and no rational basis for its current price. Having stated this for the record, I would like to note that I purchased a small position on Tuesday morning.
For research purposes.
Professor [Name Withheld], Cambridge, MA
Sir,
I am 19 years old. I work part-time at a coffee shop and attend community college. I have never been able to afford stocks, bonds, or any traditional investment. I put $50 into Cnews on Sunday night because my roommate showed me a TikTok about it.
That $50 is now worth $21,000. I have never had $21,000 in my life. I cried when I saw my wallet balance. Then I went to work and made lattes for people who make more money than I ever thought I would.
I'm not selling. Not because I think the price will go higher, although I do, but because for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm part of something. The Cnews community helped me fix my resume. They helped me find a better apartment. They sent me birthday messages.
You can call it a memecoin. You can call it a bubble. But for me, and for a lot of people like me, it's the first time the financial system gave us something instead of taking something away.
Maria S., Phoenix, AZ
Sir,
I am an attorney specializing in securities law. I have been asked by seventeen separate clients this week whether Cnews constitutes a security under the Howey test. My professional opinion is that it does not, primarily because no reasonable person could argue that purchasing a token called Cnews constitutes an "investment" in any legally cognizable sense.
It is, however, clearly a vibe. Whether vibes are regulable under federal law remains an open question. I suspect the Supreme Court will eventually have to weigh in, and I look forward to the oral arguments with an enthusiasm that surprises even me.
Jonathan R. Esquire, New York, NY
Sir,
My husband has not looked at me in three days. He stares at charts. He mutters "cat" in his sleep. He has joined something called "The Whiskers Council." I would be more concerned if our mortgage wasn't now paid off.
Anonymous, London, UK
Sir,
🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟
@DiamondWhiskers_42069, Location Unknown
[Editor's note: We include this letter in full as it was, by a significant margin, the most submitted reader communication this week, sent by approximately 12,000 different individuals.]
Sir,
I am the Portuguese Ambassador to the United Kingdom. I write to express my government's bemusement at the repeated comparison of Cnews's market capitalisation to Portugal's GDP. Portugal is the 49th-largest economy in the world, with a rich history spanning over 800 years, world-class cuisine, and an excellent football team.
We do not wish to be defined by our relationship to a memecoin.
That said, several members of our diplomatic staff have reportedly purchased small positions. This does not constitute an official endorsement by the Portuguese government.
His Excellency Ambassador [Name Withheld], Portuguese Embassy, London
Sir,
I teach a course on behavioral finance at the Wharton School. This semester, I had planned to use the GameStop saga as our primary case study in market manias. I have now replaced it with Cnews, which is superior as a teaching tool in every way: the data is more extreme, the community dynamics are more observable, and crucially the memes are significantly better.
My students have learned more about market psychology from studying Cnews for one week than from an entire semester of textbook readings. Several of them are now holders. I cannot endorse this but I understand it.
Dr. Elizabeth Chen, Wharton School of Business
Sir,
I am a therapist who specialises in financial anxiety. In the past week, I have seen a 600% increase in clients seeking help for what I can only describe as "CAT-related emotional dysregulation." Symptoms include: inability to stop checking portfolio balances, involuntary cat emoji usage, existential questioning of the nature of value, and an overwhelming urge to tell strangers about a cryptocurrency.
I have developed a new therapeutic framework for these clients which I call "Acceptance and Commitment to Holding (ACH)." It combines cognitive behavioral therapy with the community's existing philosophy of diamond hands.
It is, I must admit, remarkably effective.
Dr. Sarah Mindful, LCSW, Austin, TX
Sir,
I am Jerome Powell. I did not smile. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
[Editor's note: We have been unable to verify the identity of this correspondent. The email was sent from the Gmail address notjeromepowellforreal@gmail.com. We publish it in the spirit of transparency.]
Letters to the Financial Cat Times may be submitted via our telegram group or Dms , or by posting on X with the hashtag #CATTimesLetters. We read every submission. We publish what we can. We hold what we must.
The Letters Page is edited by the Financial Cat Times Editorial Staff. The views expressed are those of the correspondents and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication, though several of them made us laugh quite hard.